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babybso a friend of mine is working with a band, and they’re cool and a lot of fun, but their bio was just no good. i decided to help her doctor it up because, a) i love her and i want her to be happy and b) the lead singer is really hot. i thought this could serve as a good illustration of what i do, and how much difference and good bio can make when you’re trying to put together and press campaign and treat your band like something akin to a business.

Baby Baby know how to have fun. Their new album, Big Boy Baller Club is about “being your self. It’s like a badass club for people who don’t like clubs. This isn’t for hotshots or bigwigs, this is just for people who like to have a good time. Who cares that you like Nickleback? I like Nickleback. It’s a club for friends, foes, and fans. Haters are welcomed because someone needs to keep you level-headed sometimes you know. You get a hundred cool points for wearing flip flops, 200 for dancing, and 1000 for being brave enough to talk to that cute girl. Just remember, be yourself. “I don’t like over-confident guys,” – my girlfriend the philosopher. Life is short, so why spend it doing something you don’t love?”

In the summer of 2009, the Greek Gods of Georgia held a secret meeting to discuss efforts to improve the state of the current music scene. Luckily, vocalist and lead guitarist Fontez Brooks and drummer Grant Wallace were on Adventure Time that day and eavesdropped on the conversation. “We will save you!” they said with heartfelt jubilation. “But how? You are from the suburbs” responded the Gods. “Two words,” said Fontez, “Fucking FUN ROCK!” And so it was written. Since B-Day bombed nearly five years ago, the group expanded to include Colin ‘cow cow’ Boddy on percussion, Kyle ‘wabadaba’ Dobbs on bass and Ryan ‘real talk’ Burruss banging the keyboards.

There’s more, but I really think that will do, don’t you? Now, here’s what I came up with in the last half hour. The point is trying to get what the band is attempting to say about themselves and translate it into the language that music writers and editors speak and want to be spoken to in. Sending out a bio like the first one is like showing up to a job interview at a bank and speaking in ebonics. It’s a totally valid, important useful dialect, and it’s completely out of place for the context you’re using it in. So that ^ became the following:

What with Mike D busy getting photographed by the New York Times in his well-appointed Brooklyn town house, someone had to pick up the “Fight For Your Right (to Party)” mantle, or watch the whole enterprise given over to self-seriousness and poise. Enter Atlanta quintet Baby Baby, the perfect men for the job. Channeling the Beastie Boy’s silly irreverence and party-rockin’ spirit, Baby Baby blend pop/punk songwriting with a hip-hop swagger and an emphasis on the live experience, which is something akin to the party scene in a teen movie, only everyone there can drink, and the party’s actually fun.

Baby Baby convened in the summer of 2009, when singer/guitarist Fontez Brooks and drummer Grant Wallace shook off the sleepiness of the suburbs and set out to bring a new element to the Atlanta scene. Packed with unfriendly, broody artists, hostile hardcore kids and the strip-club rap scene on the creepy fringes, The A simply needed some fun rock. And that’s what Baby Baby — which has since expanded to include percussionist Colin Boddy, bassist Kyle Dobbs and Ryan Burruss on keys — delivers on their sophomore album, Big Boy Baller Club, the follow-up to 2011’s Money, out April 1 on the Gospel of Rhythm Recordings.

Baby Baby is a big, inclusive tent. There’s room under it for friends, foes, Nickleback fans, even haters; we all need someone to keep us in check, don’t we? All they ask is that you come ready to dance and make some new friends on the floor. They’ll take care of the rest.

Is the bio I wrote perfect? No. Is it a magic bullet that will garner the band a ton of press? No, there is no such thing as a bio that will do that. But is it a lot more to-the-point, tight and in-the-know sounding? Yes.

If you need help writing a band bio, please for the love of god call me. I don’t want to see more bands I know or love or have never heard of before spending the high premium for a press campaign and undermining their success by sending out crummy bios.

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